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10 Definite Don’ts When Flirting With Women

Submitted by on September 9, 2012 – 1:00 pmNo Comment | 6,821 views

newspaperIt often start with a short glance, a look, a single word. When people meet for the first time and find each other attractive, or when they are on a date, flirting is a playful way to get to know each other in a more personal fashion. Around 88% of all communication is non-verbal, meaning it is not about what you say, but how you behave. The remaining is what you say, but also how you say it. Flirting means communicating using all available channels, and often how we flirt, or rather how we do not flirt, can be crucial whether or not the other person will find you attractive and is willing to connect.

Often, how we flirt and how playful we can manage a conversation, is key to successful dating. Flirting in itself is a complex process, and much is actually allowed. However, there are a few things you should rather avoid doing, when it is your intention to flirt with someone in order to build that attraction and connect. This article focuses on 10 definite don’ts you might consider next time you’re out there.

Using pickup lines

There is one, single powerful pickup line: ‘hi’. Many people use corny, overly rated pickup lines, which are not at all appreciated by women, no matter how original you may think they are. The problem with pickup lines is, just what they are, supposed to ‘pickup’ a woman with specific intentions. These intentions are best not spoken about. By using ‘hi’ as a standard way to greet a woman you like, followed by one or two nice words, you are being friendly, and testing her willingness to engage into a conversation with you. Using pickup lines will not change her first impression of you when she sees you, in fact it is likely that her first impression of you will not be very positive.

Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is a strong communicator between people. Eye contact in itself is a strong flirting signal, and the way that someone establishes eye contact can be a good indicator of whether this person likes you or not. Additionally, establishing strong eye contact is a sign of confidence. There are many men, however, who fail to establish and maintain such eye contact. This often makes them come across as insecure, not interested, or sometimes even submissive. Therefore, avoiding eye contact is a definite don’t when flirting with women.

Placing yourself opposite to her

When establishing contact for the first time, and if she does not know you yet, placing yourself opposite to her, face-to-face, can be quite threatening. Standing opposite to her can even be perceived as threatening, as she has less room to leave the scene, and you are closing down the setting for other people to join the conversation (e.g. her friends). A much more strategical way to approach the girl you like is to approach her from the side and at the most to stand in a 45 degree angle to her. If both of you like each other, and if the conversation progresses, both of you will automatically move towards each other placing yourselves opposite to each other.

Boring topics

Flirting is a playful way of getting to know each other. Or, in other words, it is adult’s play. Therefore, attraction killers are boring topics such as the weather, politics, philosophy, or nuclear science… just to name a few. When engaging into a conversation, you want to discover each other in a playful way. Topics could be anything which is going on at the moment at the location you are at, and at a certain point you can start talking a bit about what each of you is doing in life, you passions, and you dreams. Most importantly, the conversation should always be about the two of you, or viewpoints you share.

Taking things too seriously

As described before, flirting is a playful way to get to know each other. Therefore, little jokes are part of the game. If she asks how old you are, or what you do for a living, you don’t want to give an honest answer straight away, but perhaps play around a bit. If she asks what you do, you could answer that you sell sausages at the main shopping street, although you really might be an investment banker. Later you can still give her an honest answer. Additionally, many women will ask you questions or tell you things, in order to make you nervous. This is part of the flirting process, and should be answered boldly and with a smile, without taking it too seriously.

Making compliments on her looks

Women have heard it a thousand time, how beautiful they are, or how cool their outfit is. If you do feel the need to make a compliment about something, make it very personal. For example, if she is wearing a beautiful necklace, you could tell her you like it and ask her where she got it. Of perhaps you like how her nose wiggles when she smiles. Tell her. Just make it personal, and go into detail. Let her know that you have noticed her in every detail.


Many men are nervous when chatting with a woman they do not know. This can result in speaking with a very high voice, speaking extremely fast, or not being able to stand still for a second. The thing is, if you are nervous over a longer period of time, she is likely to get nervous too. And if she does, she will not trust you, she will sense something is not right, and it is a big attraction killer.


It is not about what you say, but what you show her. Many men have the tendency to exaggerate how they managing their careers, and how big their house or car is. Or how great a guy they are. But women are generally not very interested in that information when you say it. They want to discover it together with you, and see for themselves. In fact, many women (and people in general) tend to not believe someone, if he boasts about how great he is; the natural reaction of most people is to think “probably he is lying, else he would not have the need to boast about it”.

Not touching her

Many people have light phobia of touching others. You can literally observe couples chatting and getting to know each others in bars, and you will see that there is no touching or any sign of affection. Many men are afraid to use light touching, such as a light tap on the hand in order to make a point, or a short touch of the shoulder. Touching, however, is an important step in getting physically acquainted with each other, and to go beyond the conversation phase. Should you ever have the wish of kissing her, then you have to start touching her in a light and innocent way.

Not being a man

The final and definite don’t, is simply not acting and behaving like a man. Many guys pretend to be tough when they are around their buddies, but seem to melt and turn weak when they are around women; they want to be liked by women, and tend to think that women are turned off by typical men’s behavior; so they turn soft. But very soft guys are not very attractive to most women. They want a man, who can be a man and behaves as one under all circumstances, no matter what others think.


In a playful and flirtatious setting, there are many thing men can do wrong, or which will not achieve the desired effect. This list of don’ts might not be exhaustive, and it is intended as a first orientation of what women notice about men, and what can be true attraction killers.

If you have any further suggestions or definite don’ts, be sure to leave a comment below.


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