The One Top Reason Why You Should Never Go On A Date
Have you ever gone on a date? Chances you have, like most people. Dating is very popular in big cities, where the rate of singles is very high, and many people find dating a perfect way to get to know a potential partner a bit better. Still, dating has a down side. And in many cases, this negative aspect of dating is so present, that the people involved are disappointed in the end, whereas the date could have been a success under other circumstances.
What is a date exactly?
Bluntly said, dating is
“a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.”
(Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating, 6 September, 2012)
The definition is probably very well known to most people. However, looking at the definition a bit more closer, we can define certain pre-defined elements:
- form of courtship
- social activities
- aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner or as a spouse
Indulging in social activities is fine, but the main issue lies in the first and the last point: form of courtship and the assessment. Not that people usually do not indulge in these activities, but the fact that it is so prominent during a date makes it awkward. It makes a date hold expectations, and it actually makes a date less relaxed. Additionally, there are expectations to a date itself. Dates often take place in cinemas and restaurants, and many men typically spend lots of money on dates, with no or little results.
The result is often, that couples who are on a date start behaving less relaxed. After all, they are there to perform an act of courtship, and to assess the other person. At the same time, they know they are being assessed, meaning that many people might close down somewhat emotionally. It is a rather forced environment, where it is more or less ‘expected’ something to happen.
If people are attracted to each other, it usually happens in a relaxed, and natural manner. For example, a woman might get attracted to a man because he is manly, looks good, he takes the lead, he is is charismatic, he takes care of himselves and his loved ones, and has courage. A man might be attracted to a woman because he finds her cute, she is very feminine, she has traveled the world, and dresses stylish. The reason why people are attracted to each other might be somewhat different, but in a sense it simply happens. As a result, people may want to know more about each other, they start to create a vibe between each other. Everything just seems to be right.
Dates try to force that vibe, and they often endeavor to initiate that attraction. However, attraction and the vibe simply happen, it is not something you choose for, suddenly they are there, either with or without a date.
Therefore, in stead of going on a ‘date’, it is much more effective to just ‘meet up’ and have some conversation. Go to Starbucks for a coffee, meet up in the park for a walk, or somewhere for an ice cream. This takes the pressure off the entire rendez-vous, since you are not having a date, but you’re simply meeting up. As a result, dates cannot turn out good or bad. You are there to just spend some time together, and have a good time. If in the end you feel a strong attraction and you get that vibe going, it’s a good thing. But if not, it’s not bad either. As a matter of fact, you might still meet up as regular friends and spend some time together; something which is usually not possible after having gone on a date.
Dates tend to evoke great expectation, making it more difficult to open up and relax in a similar way as if you would be just meeting up with someone. The basic concept of a date is a step in the process of finding a suitable partner, but you do not have to have a date in order to do that. Meeting up in a relaxed atmosphere takes much of the pressure away, which is present while having a date. Therefore, you might want to consider for yourself, where it is a true and viable option to eradicate the word ‘date’ from your mental vocabulary, forever.